Monday, March 2nd, 2015.
11:15pm I'm late, I'm late, I'm late! It's one of those nights where I know I'm pushing my luck with time. I'm trying to do too much at one time when I should focus on one thing - only I left all the things to the very last minute so that means I have no choice but to focus on all the things - no one to blame but myself!
11:21pm Just finished uploading some photos. Admittedly, the self portrait for today was a rush job. I'm hiding behind a book, literally. I was standing in front of the shelves that have the journals, diaries and books of letters. This ties into the book I'm reading. I'm sure to read through this one before another day is out. If I was to concentrate on any one thing long enough, I'd be done it by now. It's a good read and I can see how a younger audience would find it appealing. I hope it inspires them to read what inspired the book and other works and writers connected to the confessional genre.
11:31pm This is my own fault. I just zoned out for a good five minutes, looking at other pages on LJ instead of keeping my eyes on the blank page for today's 750 words. I'm not going to make it if I don't get to typing! I have written my words every day for over 182 days and there should be no stopping me now. I have to keep going. I'm tired and I need to have a bath. It can be understandable that the events of the past couple of days has left me emotionally exhausted.
How have I been? What's been going on with me? How am I doing? Well, glad you asked. I'm doing okay. I mean, no, I'm not doing okay. I wanted to be fasting from the first and onward but no, instead I had to eat some of my emotions and that is never a good thing for me. Having done that, I feel like I may have ruined things for myself with the first goal I wanted to get to before going away on our trip at the end of the month. But no, that's not true - I can still get close to it if I get myself in check now. I have an alarm set for 11:59pm so that I can do midnight to midnight, like I used to do. I can't allow myself any excuses on this one. I'm just going to have to feel whatever I'm feeling and not stuff it down with food. I felt so much better for those days at the beginning of last month than I had in a long time. I need to remember how that felt and do that again. Also, more tea. Drink more tea, more water and for gosh sakes, do some stretching at the very least!
Yes, I'm nervous about the upcoming trip. I can't believe it's already the month where we have these plans to travel overseas again. I can't believe we're actually going to Scotland and to Ireland. I thought it was amazing when we went to Italy and now we get to go somewhere else? That seems incredible to me. But, if we were to save some money properly (and I were to ease up on my frivolous spending) we could very well afford to do this every couple of years - travel somewhere - if we plan for it wisely. It's entirely possible that we could do that. I will start stashing away each pay toward the next trip. If I do get a say, I would like to visit Paris and then return to Venice again. Oh, I think my husband and I would like to see a lot of places, including more of our own country. I don't want to be gone from home too long but a week or so away without much hopping around from place to place would be good.
Meanwhile, I still think about how I want to go exploring here at home, meaning, in my hometown. I think of getting on my bicycle and getting rid of some of this weight on me. Taking photos of what I see around me and becoming familiar with this town I've somehow settled back down in. I think about Toronto from time to time but I don't long for it as I used to, especially the way I did after we left it. I will be visiting it soon (only for the stay before leaving the country and as a rest day before we return home after the trip) and I don't even know if I'll get out much from the hotel room. Maybe? A little? Maybe I'll even feel a bit homesick when I get to Toronto, as I have before, just because it feels the most like home to me than any other place has so far. Or maybe I won't feel anything at all because I'll be too nervous about traveling (okay, flying) again.
11:52pm I typed enough to meet my daily word count goal today. This post was fluff, I tell you, fluff! I could have written about meaningful things or the recent episode of 'The Walking Dead' or something but no, I wrote about what I often write about. I sure hope you skipped it all. Just read it as, "blah blah blah" and that about sums it up.
I'll give this a better try tomorrow.